About 4 years ago, during an ex-college mate's wedding reception, my friends and I were seated with some of her previous colleagues and their spouses. Having come from an international accounting firm herself, my college mate's colleagues were either senior finance managers or financial controllers of large multi-national corporations. High fliers, I would say.

大约4年前，在大学同学婚礼上，我和几个朋友跟新娘以前的同事及其配偶们坐在一起。我这个同学本身在国际会计事务所工作，她的同事不是高级财务经理就是大型跨国公司的财务总监，可谓精英。

A friend started chatting with one of the spouses. Seriously, I wished he had never started it because throughout the conversation, the spouse was haughtily bragging about his corporate profile. How many people there were in his department. How much turnoverhis company generate every year etc.

有个朋友开始和另一个人的先生聊天。我真希望他没主动开口，因为从头到尾，这位先生都在趾高气扬地吹嘘自己的背景，什么部门有多少人啊，公司每年营业额多少啊等等。

But he was stumped by one question.

不过，有个问题却让他卡壳了。

“So, which secondary school(ie. high school) were you from?” My friend piped.

“那你是哪所中学毕业的？”朋友问。

“Errh…” There was a long pause before he continued, somewhat defensive.
“I was from yyy school. I was young and ignorant then and my uncle was telling my mum what a good school yyy was. It was only after I was admitted that I realized the school was quite notorious in the neighbourhood. I wished I had never listened to my uncle's advice!”

“啊…….”他停了很久才回答，而且带点辩护的口气。
“我是某某学校毕业的，那个时候我年少无知，舅舅告诉我妈妈那个学校多好多好，结果我进去以后才发现，学校根本就臭名昭著。要是我没有听舅舅的话就好了！”

When I heard that, I was aghast.

听到这里，我真是目瞪口呆。

Why was he such a loser? Quick to claim credit for his achievements but brushed away facts that seemingly tainted his wonderful track record?

这人怎么这么输不起？那么积极地夸耀自己的成就，可是说到光辉记录上的小污点，就立即推卸责任？

But as I reflect the incident now, I realized that the spouse was not alone.

不过我现在想想，他这样的人并非少数。

Why You Shouldn't Do That

不应该这样做的理由

A lot of people I knew personally, like looking back into what they've done. They call it reminiscing. I don't see a problem with that except that most of them chose to do it in a manner that is very destructive.

我认识的很多人都喜欢回顾自己的过去，他们把这称为回忆。回忆本身没什么问题，可是他们大多选择回忆的方式却是具有破坏性的。

They review the past wishing and hoping that they've never done certain things, hypothesizing that if they had never done what they did, they would be much better off.

他们回顾过去，希望自己从来没有做过某些事情，假想要是自己从来没有那样做，现在就会好得多。

That they would be spared the agonizing experience which they went through.

他们就不需要经历那些痛苦。

That they would not be required to bear the blemishof that “stinking” past.

他们就不必忍受过去的污点。

But the truth is, when you're doing that, you're indirectly judging yourself. You get upset for the “imperfections” you've sole-handedly created and tries to make it up by working even harder. Even when you've attained remarkable achievements, you still felt that they weren't enough. Whatever you've done couldn't atone for the misdeeds. Because in your eyes, your past was too unforgivable.

但事实是，当你那么做，你就在间接批判自己。你为自己一手创造的“缺憾”而郁闷，试着更加努力力挽狂澜。即使你取得了惊人的成绩，还是觉得不够。无论你做什么，都不能弥补过去的罪行。因为在你眼里，过去难以饶恕。

To lessen the pain, some people chose to relinquishall responsibility. Like the spouse, they pushed the blame to others. However, it just makes them even more conscious of that “imperfection”, a pain that wouldn't go away.

为了减少痛苦，有些人选择放弃所有责任。就象上面所说的那位先生，他们把责任推给别人。但是，这只让他们更加意识到那个挥之不去的“污点”。

What You Should Be Doing Instead

你应该怎样做？

Now, if what I'm describing above sounds like you, the first thing you should do is to stop fretting on the past and slowly learn to

如果你正如我所说，你第一件应该做的事情就是停止为过去而懊恼，而要慢慢学会

* Take Accountability. Whatever that's good or bad about you or your choices is yours alone. Only when you acknowledge them as part of your entirety will you realize you actually possess the ability to change it.

承担责任。你的任何优点，缺点或者选择都是你自己的。一旦你认识到它们是你整体的一部分，你才会意识到自己其实有能力改变它。

* Be Grateful. Think about it, if not for your past, would you be inspired to work even harder to achieve what you did today? If not for the outcomes of past decisions, would you know what course of actions to take or not to take? It's through setbacks that you get to see how tough you're. So shouldn't you feel glad that you just went through one more opportunity to manifestthat potential?

凡事感谢。想想吧，若不是因为过去，你现在能备受激励地努力工作，获取今天的成绩吗？要不是因为过去的决定，你怎么知道做什么，不做什么？ 正是通过挫折，你才看到自己有多坚强。难道你不应该高兴又通过一个机会证实了自己的潜能？

* Enjoy the Journey. Coming down so hard on yourself merely robs you of the pleasures in life and simply makes you more disgusted with it. Take heed of the downs and savour the rewards of your achievements. You know you should. Because you jolly well deserve it!

享受旅程。 对自己苛刻只会剥夺你享受生活的乐趣，让你更厌倦生活。留心生活中的低潮，同时品尝成就的奖赏。你知道应该这样，因为你值得！