当别人提出什么要求的时候，答应下来去做是很容易的，但是拒绝就很难，因为总要考虑别人的面子问题，自己的面子问题，以后的关系问题等等。所以怎么样更好的拒绝别人是我们都应该学习的，今天沪江小编也和大家一起学习这八个方法。
One of the most essential skills that a freelancer can have is the ability to say “no”.


对于一名自由撰稿人而言，学会拒绝是一项重要的本领。（我觉得对所有人都是如此）

Without that skill, you will be overloaded with requests and assignments, and continuously overworked and missing deadlines, the quality of your work will slip, and you will take on assignments that you don't enjoy and that don't pay enough for the time you spend on them.


如果你没有这项本领，那么你会被繁重的要求和任务压的喘不过气来，然后你就会老是太劳累却又总是不能按时交稿，你的文章质量也会下降，这样一来你就很难接到你所感兴趣的活了，更重要的是你的报酬也会大不如前了。

By saying “no”, although you might feel that others will feel offended or hurt (and it’s possible), you are also sending a strong message that you value your time, that you have priorities, and that you also respect the person to whom you’re saying no, as you don’t want to commit to something and then do a lousy job or not do it at all.


当你学会拒绝之后，虽然你可能会感觉有点伤害或者冒犯别人（这也确实有可能），但是与此同时你也传达给他们这样一个清晰的信息：你珍惜自己的时间，你有选择的权利，而且你也尊重那些你拒绝的人，你之所以拒绝正是因为你不想草率的做个承诺，你不会在履行的时候马马虎虎或者懒得去做。

Should you say “no” to everything that comes your way? Of course not — as freelancers, we know that we have to accept enough work to pay the bills, and that sometimes we have to say “yes” to less-than-perfect assignments. But it’s also important that you know what you can handle, what you really want to work on, and whether the current request you’re considering fits within your priorities. And it’s very important that if you don’t really need or want to take on the job, you be able to say “no” without caving in.


对所有不期而遇的任务你都得匆匆拒绝吗？答案显然是否定的。众所周知，作为一名自由撰稿人，面对成堆的账单我们必须揽到一定量的活，有时对一些差强人意的任务我们只能点头，但是明确自己的能力范围、自己的兴趣所在以及摆在你面前的要求是否合乎你的选择也是十分重要的。最重要的是，当你觉得实在没有必要或者毫无兴趣接某个任务的时候，你可以选择拒绝而不是埋头干。

That's not always an easy skill to acquire. For those who have trouble saying “no”, here are a few practical strategies to try out.


要获得这项本领不是一件轻松的事情，对于那些不敢说“不”的人们，我在这里可以给你们支上几招，值得一试。

1. Try saying “yes” first.


This may sound counterintuitive, but I think of it as a form of mental judo. You say “yes” to the request (assuming you want to do it but don’t have the time to do it now), and then do one of two things:


1) you say “Sure, but I am swamped right now — can you get back to me on this in a month or so? I don’t want to commit to it unless I can actually do a great job on it.”
or 2) you say “Sure, but can you do x, y and z first, so we can analyze if this is going to work before we set it into action?” In both cases, you are not turning them down outright, but are putting the action back in their court. I think you should only say these things if you are sincere about wanting to do it, but can’t do it right now. This takes the burden of action off of you for the moment, without having to actually say no.


1.试着先同意。


这似乎听上去有点自相矛盾，但是我把这看作一场心智的柔道。你可以同意要求（假设你的情况是你想接下这个活但是手头没有足够的时间），然后做下面两件事之一：

1）你可以说：“没问题，但是我现在的任务多的像山一样。你能不能过一个月左右再来找我？除非我真能干的非常出色我是不会这么打包票的。”
或者2）你可以说：“当然可以，但是你能不能先去做x,y,z，这样我们才能看出这件事到底是否可行。” 无论你选择上面两个中的哪一个，你都没有断然的拒绝他们，而是把主动权交回到他们的手中。我觉得你在真心想要这件活但是实在抽不开身的情况下才这样说，这样说帮你解决了主动权给你带来的压力，让你用不着真正说出那个“不”字。

2. Know your commitments.


In order to know when to say no, you need to know what’s on your plate. You should have a running list of all your current projects/assignments, as well as an action task list, made up not of projects but of concrete action steps you need to complete in the next week or so. Once you see this list of all your commitments, you can decide whether the request can fit into your schedule, and if it's of high enough priority to place on your list of commitments. Guard that list carefully, and only add stuff on there if they are essential.


2.了解你曾做出的承诺。


为了知道什么时候用得着说“不”，你得了解你现在已经揽了哪些活了。你得给你现在所有的项目和任务建一张流动的列表，同时也为你在一个星期左右时间内的不属于那些项目的活动列一张活动任务表。有了这两张列得满满的表你就可以决定眼前这个任务能不能挤进去，小心保管这张表，只有在事出必要的情况下才在上面添加项目。

3. value your time.


One reason a lot of people can't say no is that they (subconsciously, perhaps) feel that their time is not as valuable as someone else’s time. For example, if someone asks you to do something that they could easily do themselves, and you say yes, you are in effect saying that their time is more valuable than yours — or else why would you do it instead of them? Learn to value your time — you only have a finite amount of it, and it’s perhaps your most valuable asset — and learn to show others that you value it by not taking on requests that don’t actually need to be done by you.


3.珍惜你的时间。

许多人难于拒绝的一个原因是他们（或许是在潜意识中）感觉自己的时间没有别人的珍贵。例如，如果别人让你去做一件他们自己能够轻而易举完成的事，你同意的话，就相当于承认他的时间比你的更宝贵——不然的话为什么你要替他们代劳呢？因此你要珍惜你自己的时间，你的时间是有限的，而且可能是你最为宝贵的财富，学会通过拒绝那些用不着你来操刀的事来告诉别人，你有多珍惜自己的时间。

4. Defer.


Similar to Strategy 1, this strategy calls for you not to actually decide on something, and not to say yes or no, but to ask the requester to ask you later. For example, you might say, “My plate is really full right now. Could you ping me in two weeks on this?” If the requester is good, they'll put a reminder in their calendar to ping you in two weeks. If not, they might forget about it. Sometimes, if you defer twice in a row, the other person will give up. But it's not good to defer too many times on a single request, as it makes you look bad. After two deferrals, on the third request, you should give a definite answer.


4.拖延。

与上面的策略1有点类似，如果你选用这招的话你用不着下决定，用不着点头或者摇头，而只是让来请求你的人迟些再来。例如，你可以说：“我的任务现在排的满满的，你能不能两个礼拜以后再来找我？”如果这个人不错的话，他会把两星期后再来找你这件事加进自己的备忘录里。要是这人不地道，他们肯定早把你忘了。有的时候如果你连着拖延了两回，那个人就会放弃了，当然老是拖延一件事也不好，这会让别人觉得你人品有问题。一般在两次拖延之后，在别人第三次求你的时候，你就应该给出个明确的答复了。

5. Be polite, but firm.


One mistake a lot of people make is being too nice, and too wishy-washy. They might say no but make it sound like they are wavering. If you respond like that, a strong person will continue to press that request until you say yes, because they think there’s a chance you are going to change your mind. You have to make it clear, if you say no, that you’re not going to change your mind. But don’t be rude about it. A simple, “No, I just can't right now” will suffice.


5.礼貌，但要坚决。

很多人容易犯的一个毛病就是太好了，或者太优柔寡断了。他们可能虽然拒绝了别人但是他们的拒绝听上去有些动摇，如果你这样回应别人的话，会有更强的人来向你施压，直到你点头答应为止，这是因为他们觉得事情还有商量的余地。因此如果你要拒绝的话，你就得让别人清楚的知道你不会再改变主意了。但是别表现的粗鲁，一句简单的“不，我现在实在无能为力”就够了。

6. Pre-empt.


If you think that a request is likely to be made, it’s easier to tell people you’re busy before the request is actually made. If you’re meeting with someone, you could say something like, “Before we get started, I have to let you know that my schedule is booked solid for a month, so I won't be taking on any new projects for at least 30 days.” That will warn the person about to make a request, and they cannot blame you if you say no to a request.


6.抢先一步。

如果你觉得将有人会有求于你，你可以在别人向你请求之前告诉他们你很忙。如果你与那人碰面，你可以说“话说在前头，我得让你知道我的日程表里这一个月里都排的满满的，所以我们别谈关于30天内的什么新计划。”这相当于对那个将有求于你的人做了一次警告，因此事后他们也无法怪罪你拒绝他们的请求。

7. “I'd love to, but”.


Similar to Strategy 1, this strategy sends the message that this sounds like a great project to you, but you just can’t because of your schedule or other commitments. If the project sounds genuinely interesting, I'll often say something like, “That sounds like a great project, and I wish I could be a part of it.” I'll also suggest alternatives if possible, giving the person other people or ideas that might work. Some people will actually appreciate this kind of rejection, as it helps them out.


7.“我很乐意，但是……”

类似于第一个方法，这招表现出你对这项计划很感兴趣，但是你因为日程安排或者有其他的任务而实在无能为力。如果这个计划听上去真的很有趣的话，我会经常说些如“这听上去确实很棒，我多希望自己能加入进来啊。”如果可能的话，我也会推荐一些其他的适当人选或者可行想法。一些人实际上觉得这种被拒绝的方式还不错，至少你也帮他解决了难题。

8. Never say you’re sorry.


Again, you have to respect your time. If you apologize, you are sending the message that you are doing something wrong by saying no, that somehow you don't have a strong right to say no. It’s very tempting to apologize, I know. We often say things like, “I’m sorry, but …” or “I wish I could, I’m so sorry” just because we’re uncomfortable giving an outright no. But again, you are sending the wrong message. See Strategy 5 for a better approach.

8.永远别说抱歉。

还是得珍惜自己的时间，如果你道歉的话，就好像是在为做错一件事而道歉，这样一来你拒绝的理由也就显得不甚充分了。我知道，在这种场合下，说“对不起”这三个字是很有诱惑力的，我们常常说“对不起，但是……”或者“我多希望能帮你，但是很对不起，我没办法帮你。”这类的话，这是因为我们拒绝别人的事后会觉得很不舒服。但是，还是那个问题，这样一来，你会向别人传达错误的信息。回头看看第5条能给你一些帮助。